I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
