You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
