I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I will pee on everything he values.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
