remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
