just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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