A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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