I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
