My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
