Cold hands, warm shart.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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