ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i think i just lost a toe
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
