I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
