Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
