Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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