she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
