Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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