Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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