I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
