im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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