i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
