That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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