If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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