I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize