I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
