Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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