I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
