ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
