I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
