I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.