I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.