You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..