he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.