my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Operation Purity has been aborted
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?