I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
God gave him joint rollers for hands
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I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
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I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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