I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
