shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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