Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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