do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
