so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says