I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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