The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
