i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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