a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
