You smell like stripper and shame
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
