Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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