Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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