Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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