I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
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I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
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Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.