i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket