if you like me you must not know who I am
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.