if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
