I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
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