the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life