They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I supernannyed him into submission
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
