There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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