so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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