I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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