dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
