Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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