Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
