omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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