Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
