put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
