my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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