I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
