my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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