Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
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