I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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