Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
