in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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