What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
