I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
