i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
