Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
