Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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