Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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