There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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