the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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