So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm like, not good at living.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
